Monthly Archives: February 2013

At least call them what they are

ImageI don’t normally pay attention to Facebook ads. Usually Facebook has me pegged entirely wrong and advertises services I don’t need… like parenting services or a dating site for gay men. Sometimes Facebook offers clothing and accessories for someone way skinnier than I am. Honestly, Facebook, do you not pay attention to the photos I upload?

Today, however, I saw a product that I really couldn’t wrap my brain around. “Above the Knuckle Rings.” These are small rings that you wear around the first knuckle of your finger. Or as they should be called, “Rings That Are Too Small For You To Wear.”

Tell me, what is the purpose of these rings? To show off your manicure? If you have a good manicure, shouldn’t that speak for itself? And I don’t know about many of you, but I would spend the whole day trying to push those damn little rings down my fingers for fear they’d fall off.

Are we running out of body parts to dress up? Do our knuckles really need bedazzling? Do people actually buy this stuff?

Maybe I’m just out of touch with today’s fashion trends.

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Filed under in what crazy world does this make sense?, stuff and nonsense

Talking to strangers

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Oreo LOVES his hay!

The other day, my dad and I stopped by Tractor Supply to pick up some aspen shavings and chew toys for my chinchilla, Oreo. Many small pets use cedar shavings for their bedding, but cedar contains resins which can be toxic or irritating to chinchilla physiology. So aspen shavings are the best option when going with a hardwood bedding material.

They were having a sale on the size bag of aspen shavings I buy, so we picked up two. On our way to the cashier, this older man called our attention and wanted to know if we were buying the shavings for bedding. We said yes, and he said that what we really needed were cedar shavings.

Of course, we tried to explain that we had a chinchilla (which he’d never heard of, of course), and that chinchillas were allergic to cedar. They had to use aspen. But he kept insisting that cedar was the only way to go. That he whittled cedar as a hobby and had tons of cedar shavings he could “sell us.”

Ahhh. One of those.

I get annoyed when random strangers talk to me in the store. Most of the time it’s just a pithy comment about something, which is fine, but when they want to have a conversation… no. Just let me go about my business, please. I probably don’t even want to be in the store anyway, so I try to avoid eye contact and just smile and nod when someone says something to me. But to start a full conversation? Especially trying to sell me something? Oh hell, no.

I’m glad my dad was with me, because he shot the guy down really quick and we got out of there with the aspen shavings. If I’d been on my own I would have felt trapped, unable to think of anything to say to get out of the conversation quickly.

Sometimes I feel like I still have a lot of growing up to do.

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Filed under messed up me, pets

Being sick sucks. Duh.

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Tried to find a photo of the ‘raging sinus infection’ plush. Apparently, there isn’t one. But the common cold plush was really cute.

I’m sure you have all heard the phrase, “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.” Well, that accurately describes the week I’ve been having.

It started last week, with a mild fever, sore throat, headaches and stiff neck. That should have been my first clue, but I just thought it was another cold, so I sucked it up and went to work anyway. The fever and sore throat were gone by the weekend, but the headaches and sinus pressure/drainage lingered. Again, I thought it was just the remnants of the cold.

Then came Monday.

I went to work, even though I felt lousy, because we are woefully understaffed, especially this week. But I did not feel well. At all. My head felt like it was full of cotton, I was dizzy, coughing and I was freezing. I didn’t think anything of the freezing part, because it’s always cold in our end of the building. But when I came home and took my temperature, BAM. 103.4.

No wonder I could barely function and didn’t eat anything that day.

Sometimes I still need my parents to tell me what to do. Mom told me I could not go to work Tuesday. I already had a doctor’s appointment for noon, so it made sense. Plus I extremely weak. So I called in, went to the doctor, who pronounced me sick with a raging sinus infection — her words — and sent me home with steroids, antibiotics and orders to stay home Wednesday too.

The good news is, I am feeling better. I had a fever this morning, but it broke and hasn’t returned yet. The bad news is, this was probably the worst possible week for me to be out. I feel so, so guilty for leaving my coworkers with more work to do while I recovered. 😦

The worst new is the antibiotics are effin’ nasty. They smell bad, they’re huge and I can taste them long after I’ve choked them down. A friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, told me after a long night of drinking, it doesn’t matter how much you shower, the air of alcohol permeates the skin. That’s how it is with these horse pills. So I apologize to my coworkers in advance when I start smelling… medicinal.

Oh, and I’ll be back to work tomorrow.

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Filed under health, life sucks

If the pope resigns in the woods….

The news greeting us this morning was that, after 8 years in office, Pope Benedict XVI will be resigning from office effective Feb. 28. The first pope in 600 years to do so.Image

Not that this news at all affects me, as I am neither Catholic nor religious, but Catholicism does fascinate me. Maybe I’ve read too many Dan Brown books, but Catholic rites and symbolism are something that have always interested me. Which is why I’m so looking forward to Conclave.

Granted, I know Conclave is pretty much a bunch of old, white men (with a few people of color thrown in for affirmative action) sitting around electing another old, white (probably) man to wear the funny pointed hat. But it’s still an interesting ritual to watch and see people react to.

However, I think maybe the Catholic church is ready for a little shake-up. That’s why I propose that I, a non-Catholic, non-religious woman, be elected your new pope. Pope Joan II, if you will.

Here’s what I would change in the first days of my reign:

1. No more pope-mobile bubble car. I wish for a pope horse-drawn Cinderella carriage.

2. Replace the pointy hat with a tiara. Because I look good in tiaras.

3. The blood and body of Christ will be replaced with tortillas and tequila. So people will want to go to Mass. Party!

4. Priests can marry. But they can only marry nuns. Think of the Bachelor/Bachelorette spinoffs!

5. Priest abusers will be dropped in an oubliette and forgotten. As a bonus, oubliettes come back into fashion.

6. Birth control. Need I say more?

7. Gay marriage. Ditto.

8. Living saints. Chosen Thunderdome style.

9. Free access to the Vatican archives. Because what if Dan Brown was right?

10. 40 days of Mardi Gras. Because Lent is just so self-serving.

I’m sure I could think of more, but this would get me through the first month I think.

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Loll stuff you.

I don’t like text speak. It’s probably one of the reasons I don’t text or use Twitter too often. I don’t like abbreviating words. Numbers should never be substituted as words. Spell everything out. Use correct punctuation. Pretend you’re intelligent at least and never use “ur.” Image

But one thing I do use with varying frequency are Internet acronyms. I’m especially abusive of LOL. So much so, it has become it’s own word to me. One I even catch myself trying to use in real life conversation. Say something funny to me and I have to stop myself from saying, “Loll.”

Surely I’m not the only one who does this? Who turns Internet acronyms into actual words in your head? Am I the only one who sometimes wants to tell people to “stuff you” (STFU)? Or who will “roffle” (ROFL) over a grumpy cat picture?

An FAQ is a “fack,” “I’m hoe.” (imho)

“Whizzy wig” (WYSIWYG) isn’t always true.

“Lamow” (LMAO), I must sound insane right now.

Or maybe you’re thinking, “She’s a bamf!” (self-explanatory)

“Oh, tow,” (OTOH), OMG is always O. M. G.

If you think I’m just nuts, you can “Die-aff.” (DIAF)

OK, maybe that’s too harsh. I guess I should just “gaffle.” (GAFL)

Hmm, I seem to swear a lot in Internet acronyms. “Smuh.” (smh)

Perhaps I am the only one who does this in her head. But the day it starts creeping into my everyday speech is the day I need to get “Affkuh.” (AFK)

“Tiffin!” (TTFN!)

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Filed under grammar, messed up me, stuff and nonsense

The strange case of Richard III

History is a funny thing.

It was announced today, and shortly all over the interwebs, that the skeletal remains of King Richard III had been positively identified “beyond reasonable doubt.”

The remains were found under a car park in Leicester, England, after a search for the “missing” church of Greyfriars, where the king had been hastily buried after his defeat at Bosworth by Henry Tudor, the future Henry VII.

Scientists matched the DNA of the skeleton to two of Richard III’s maternal line relatives. Radiocarbon dating also revealed the individual died in the second half of the 15th or early 16th century, consistent with the king’s death in 1485.

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What fascinates me though, is that while the mystery of the missing king is now solved, the mystery of the missing “Princes in the Tower” still remains.

Richard’s brother, Edward IV, inherited the claim to the throne during the Wars of the Roses in the mid-15th century. After defeating Henry VI, a Lancaster, in 1471, his claim was cemented, and the crown of England was destined to be passed down to his young 12-year-old son, Edward V, upon his death in 1483. The mistake he made was making his brother, Richard III, Protector.

Or was it a mistake?

There is little to no certain evidence Richard III was involved in the disappearance of Edward V and his younger brother, Richard, the Duke of York. Before Edward V could be crowned, his parents’ marriage was declared invalid, making him ineligible for the throne. Edward V and his brother were lodge in the Tower at this time, and were never seen again after Richard III was crowned. Many believed Richard III had the princes killed in order to cement his own claim to the throne, but the evidence against him is only circumstantial.

Other suspects in the disappearance of the two princes exist, most benefiting Richard III. But the question remains. Did Richard order the deaths of the princes? Did one of his cronies take them out without his knowledge to make Richard’s claim to the throne more valid? Or did Henry Tudor get rid of them after his defeat of Richard III in order to validate his claim to the throne?

It’s one of the great historical mysteries that fascinates me.

The other thing I find intriguing is the condition of the bones. History remembers him as a grotesque man, a limping hunchback with a withered arm who craved the throne for himself. But this image of Richard is taken from Shakespeare’s Richard III, a Tudor sympathizer. Of course he would paint the enemy of the Tudors in a negative light.

With the bones, scientists found evidence of scoliosis, a curvature of the spin, which would have made him shorter, but no evidence of a hunchback or withered arm. If our beliefs about his appearance are wrong, what else could be wrong? Could he be innocent of the princes’ disappearance? Was he, as some contemporaries and historians claim, actually a decent king?

History is written by the winners, and this may be one of the ultimate cases.

History really is a funny thing.

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Filed under history, internet buzz