Tag Archives: kroger

Apparently, I’m a ninja

I hate grocery shopping. I especially hate grocery shopping on Wednesday, which is senior citizen discount day. Or, as my mother likes to call it, Old People Day. (Nevermind that she qualifies for the discount herself… it’s funny to listen to her bitch about all the old people in the store.)

Now I will admit, I am a fairly large-sized girl. Southwest Airlines would probably make me buy two seats if I ever deigned to fly with them. I am not graceful. You can see me coming. But apparently, on Old People Day, I am ninja. I could nimbly walk behind someone, slit their throat and slip out without being seen. Because no one seems to be able to see me when I shop.

Let me set up the scene for you:

An elderly gentleman and a woman I presume is his wife are in the canned vegetable aisle. At the end of this aisle is the canned tuna which I need. I, however, am at the opposite end, separated from the tuna by the couple debating the merits of store- vs. name-brand green beans.  In the middle of the freakin’ aisle.

I walk right up to them. “Excuse me.” They do not move. “Excuse me,” I say a little louder, thinking, OK, they’re old, maybe they’re hard of hearing, even though neither one of them is speaking loudly. Nada. I try to push past them, saying, “Excuse me,” once again. No dice. I can’t really squeeze by, unless I want to knock Chef Boyardee off the opposite shelf with my breasts. Which would be way embarrassing.

This is the point where I realize I could probably give them both a new smile, Joker-style, and neither one would notice. Since I apparently don’t exist to Old People on Old People Day.

Finally I gave up and just went down the next aisle and back up to find that Kroger was out of my tuna. *sigh*

At least the night wasn’t a total loss. I did find my first-ever submission to Cake Wrecks in the bakery department.

Mr. Hankey, the St. Patty's Poo

Doesn’t that just look yummy?

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Kroger is out to get me

Kroger has started to give me a complex. Every time I find some kind of food that I not only like, but my stomach can also handle, they get rid of it a couple of weeks later.

For example, I’m supposed to be eating yogurt. I hate yogurt. But I discovered that the Fiber One vanilla yogurt tastes quite good. Not only can I no longer find it at Kroger, but it seems to have disappeared from every store in town.

I found a new Lean Cuisine meal: Asian-style potstickers. Tried it. Loved it. Can no longer buy it at Kroger.

My favorite beef teriyaki stir-fry in a bag meal disappeared months ago. It was the first one of its kind where I could eat everything in it and not pick out nasty things like peppers and broccoli.

My in-case-of-no-food-in-the-house three-cheese Totino’s pizza has been sold out for weeks.

The one Oscar Mayer Deli Creations sandwich that I liked has also been cut from Kroger’s shelves.

I know, I could shop elsewhere. But when you live in a tiny town, where Kroger is the cheapest grocery store in town and Walmart is quite a drive from the house (and besides, it’s Walmart), there aren’t a whole lot of other options.

Hmmm… maybe if I start buying up broccoli, Kroger will stop selling it and my mother will quit nagging at me to eat it…

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Filed under messed up me, whine